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Reception and Customer Service Representative

Well, the time has come for you to find something new. We can see you sitting there in your cubical dreaming of a better job with a company that is actually stable. Hey, we get it. Companies these days are in one day and out the next. Not ours. We have been in business since, well... since dinosaurs roamed the earth. And thats only a slight exaggeration.
We can see that look on your face right now. That look says "so what is it that I'd be asked to do all day? Cause I don't much like cleaning out sewers, and I don't even own a dolphin suit or ballet slippers (don't ask about the dolphin suit. Just go with it.)
So what what will you be doing all day.
1. Being awesome
2. Showing others how awesome you are.
3. Answering the phone when our favorite people call (our favorite people are our customers just incase you were wondering.)
4. Doing paper work that we can't get to do itself. Oh how we have tried! Curse that paper work.
5. Inputting things and stuff into our overly complicated but highly necessary computer system. Little known fact: Our system is the same system that Santa uses to track his shipments and whereabouts. His is the simplified version, but that cheap turkey refuses to upgrade. (That is our way of saying its kind of complicated)
Here is an incomplete list of things you'd be asked to do.
1. Be awesome!
2. Be more awesome tomorrow that you were today! And thats tuff cause the sheer breadth of todays awesomeness was a glorious thing to behold!
3. Be fantabulous on the phones. This fabulosity will be determined and disected into three parts.
A: You are happy on the phone.
B: You are NEVER short with our favorite people in the whole world... OUR CUSTOMERS!
C: HERE COMES A BIG ONE! YOU CAN SELL!!!!! This is a requirement. This doesn't mean that you have to have had years of selling in your background. Or even any selling. But when we meet you, we will measure your sales ability. We have a special measuring tape that measures such things. Hey, if Marry Poppins did it, we can too. So stop second guessing everything. GOSH!
4. You are prompt. Meaning on time. Never late.
5. HERE COMES ANOTHER BIG ONE!! You need to know your way around a computer. I think we all know what that means. Don't make us explain it. You know if you rock.
There are many more requirements. There is by the way a trick to getting an interview. Have an amazing phone recording. That'll do it every time. So make it fun, and make it creative.
Contact: Rob
Phone: 801-803-6818
Email: utahcustomerservice@gmail.com
CAUTION!!! TWO STEP PROCESS COMING YOUR WAY!!!! SLOW DOWN!! FINES DOUBLE IN CONSTRUCTION AREAS. READ LABEL BEFORE APPLYING!!!! MAY BE DANGEROUS FOR KIDS UNDER SIX (ok so that one we just through in because we were on a role).
STEP 1: Send your resume to us at utahcustomerservice@gmail.com
STEP 2: Call 801-803-6818 and introduce yourself. This is the fun part. Since most of this is over the phone, we really want to hear what your soothing, fun, charismatic voice tones. "But Rob" you say "I'm not chari8smatic, or fun or soothing. Can I still have a job?" Rather than beat around the bush, the answer is a quick and kind of tart NO!
STEP 3: Run laps around your house till we call you back. Its good for ya. Besides, if you are as good as you think you are then it won't be too long before you get a call from us saying that you left us the best voicemail we've ever heard and can't wait to meet you in person just so we can take a selfy with you standing next to us. Its really gonna be great! YAY!!
PS... PLEASE STATE WHICH POSITION YOU ARE APPLYING FOR ON THE VOICEMAIL.

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